This post was written last July when I wanted to put down the feeling of losing someone you have known all your life. someone who you had played with, cried with, ate with, sing along with, share the secrets of little children could make up with.
That nite was particularly tired after one whole tiring week of CCP revision. brain shut off. panda eyes bulking out from the face. Previous weeks was stressful coz knowing that i did not study much for CCP exam. Its going to be another stressful week of late nite studying while working.
I was asleep. However, something woke me up n it must be my message ringtone. It was a sms from my cousin bro, xiao sheng. He wrote 'jia is gone'. I couldnt quite believe it. whether am i still dreaming or am i awake? and i dunnu if its real. maybe im still sleeping. i lie down on the bed for a moment. looked at the hp again. the same words on the screen. Its real, he had left us. i was sad n scared. i dunnu what to reply to him. whether to acknowledge that i knew about his departure. or pretend that the thing didint happen until tmr if someone will tell me again. i lie down for about 30 minutes debating whether to acknowledge it or not. im still confused. Then i thought about Jia's face, his look, his words and his gestures. the way he talked, the way he walked so tall n firm even after the surgery. He's still surviving even after the 6th surgery on his skull that he had to go through. he has all the determination in the world. I know that he'll be leaving us soon,although expected but the sms was unexpected. Then i called my cousin sis who is in singapore. She was also restless that nite. maybe due to the instinct that we all had or the bond we once had with him. Its sad. tears flooding down the cheeks . heart ache.. but at least we know that he went away peacefully, last seen with his mother by his bedside. I have the courage to acknowledge and to admit that he is gone after the phonecall with my cousin sis. I hope that the family is coping well. we are all very sad with his departure but glad that he went away peacefully and is in no more pain. He will not suffer from the pain of surgery and cancerous pain anymore.
Jia was like a big bro to most of us. He ll initiate games to play with us, whether cards, board games or just with our hands. we can play loads of games and have a happy time no matter which aunty house we were in. remembered the trip we went to air papan. He ll leads us down the beach at nite. swam and played monkey.... he was still very energetic. It s so unfair ....... he was a good person. but illness just dun choose their owner rite? Jia, may your pain leave u eternally and that you find peace in another place where illness doesnt exist. no matter where u are, do remember that ur family, all of us n me had once loved u, care for you n continoully doing it.
